THE MORNING AFTER DINNER
by mimoluvzblaine
Summary: When Jacob is left to deal with the consequence of the mornings after , who can help him ?  Mpreg , CRACK, boyxboy jakeward
1. Chapter 1

**hello guys we're back ! **

**so this story is the sequel to late night cookout ,so you might wanna read that first . A few things you should know 1.)They're all potty mouths 2.) Jacob is very hormonal 3)Jacob's dad can walk and is very will be at least four chapters updating every week i hope! **

***DISCLAIMER* ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYERS .  
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As I did my nightly rounds on my evening patrol with Sam I started getting this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. As my stomach continued doing what felt like somersaults, I suddenly felt a wave of heat rush over me and before I could think any further my "once breakfast" was now on the ground. As I continued to dry heave, I felt sharp stinging jolts to my chest.

This has to be the worst heartburn of my life. I thought to myself.

Sam hurriedly ran up to me and pointed to my chest in horror. "Holy shit! Your… your nipples! There's six of them!"

"What?" I asked dumbfounded. I looked down and sure enough there they were, clear as day. Six perky nipples perched firmly on my chest.

"What the Fuck?" I screamed whilst pointing to my chest. "When did I get these?"

"Dude, what the fuck?" Sam yelled.

"Why are you yelling at me?" I cried; tears now streaming down my face. "You're so mean!"

"Chill dude, it's okay. I mean, yeah it's kinda weird… fucked up actually, but u need to calm down." Sam replied in a calm voice.

"No! How can I? I have six fucking nipples! And they're really really sore and my tummy feels weird."

"Jake, not to freak you out or anything, but the only other time I seen that happen was when Emily had our cubs last summer." Sam replied.

"Wait… are you trying to say I'm pregnant? Because last time I checked I have a dick! I can show it to you if you want."

"Umm… yeah, thanks but no thanks. I'll take your word for it." Sam said.

"Can I really be pregnant with Edward's baby?" I accidentally asked out loud.

"What?" Sam asked while flashing me a weird look.

"Umm… I mean… Uhh, I have to go talk to my dad." I replied eagerly, as I shifted into my wolf form and ran back to my house.

When I finally arrived at my house, my dad was busy doing his usual yard work. I quickly shifted back to my human form and ran over to him.

"Dad! Dad!" I yelled.

He then turned to me; his eyes grew wide with surprise.

"Put some damn clothes on boy." He ordered. "What the hell? You have six nipples! And why are they leaking? Are you pregnant?"

"Why does everyone think that? I'm a boy!" I yelled.

"Well son, you see… there's something I didn't tell you…"

". . ."

"Well...?" I asked impatiently.

Whatever it was, my dad surely did not want to tell me, I thought. He then quickly turned his gaze from me to the ground and with a heavy sigh began to speak.

"Jacob, when...when you were born, you were born well... "different". And by "different" I mean you were born with a uterus." My jaw instantly dropped and my mind started racing.

"The Dr. assured us that when you were born, since you didn't have an actual "birth canal" that there was nothing to worry about. Well because you were born with a dick. Guess we should probably change doctors now, huh?" He continued.

"Umm... why didn't you tell me this earlier?" I asked in desperation. Why am I so god damn emotional? I thought.

"Don't cry, my son. Mating is a wonderful part of life." My father assured me. "So, who's the lucky guy? I bet it was that Paul kid wasn't it? I always knew he had it in for you." He winked at me.

"No, dad! It wasn't him!" I yelled, my face now red with anger.

"Sam?"

"No!"

"Embry?"

"No, dad!"

"Quil? Jared? Seth?

"No, no and no!"

"Leah?"

"Dad. Leah is a GIRL!" I wailed, feeling very annoyed. "Just stop guessing already! Okay, okay. If you must know… it was Edward. He got me pregnant." I confessed.

"What the Fuck? No son of mine will ever get impregnated by a leech! I don't care that you're gay, but I thought I raised you well enough to know that under no circumstance do you ever, and I mean ever bottom for a bloodsucker! Now get the fuck out of my face. And don't you even so much as think to come back."

"But…but…but dad?" My lip started to quiver.. "I'm your son!" I yelled.

"Not anymore you're not. Now like I said, get the fuck out of my house and don't make me ask you again." He warned as he ran in the house and locked the door behind him.

As I stood alone, my mind wandered to Edward. I have to tell Edward. He's the only one who can help me and love me. That and I also miss his "hotdog" with "ketchup" lots and lots of "ketchup". Ugh. I'm hungry! Without further thought I hopped in the "rabbit" and sped off to Bella's house, knowing without a doubt that Edward would be there.

When I got to Bella's house the door was unlocked so as you can imagine I took full advantage of this. Walking up the stairs to Bella's room, I got a funny feeling and instead, my instincts led me to Charlie's room instead. Duh, I forgot. I'm naked! Guess I'll just borrow some of his. I thought. Now that I was fully clothed I exited the room and slyly crept down the hallway to Bella's room. I slowly opened her bed room door and as it creaked open, my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at the sight in front of me. A half naked Bella and Alice were entangled in one another's arms on her bed. I couldn't help myself, "What the fuck?" I asked to no one in particular.

"Aaahhhh!" Both girls screamed; Bella now falling off her bed.

"Like what the effin' fuck Jake?" Bella yelled.

**-TBC-**

**CONSTRUCTIVE CRISITISM ONLY NO HATERS PLEASE REVIEW**

**-CRACKISH LOVE**

**MIMO & BECKY**


	2. Chapter 2

** WARNING: PLEASE EXCUSE OUR HORNINESS, AND POTTY MOUTHS! Rated M for MATURE.**

**DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYER. THE TITLE OF THE CHAPTER WAS INSPIRED BY NICKI MINAJ'S SONG SUPERBASS. SADLY, THESE THINGS WE CANNOT TAKE CREDIT FOR.**

**& WITHOUT FURTHER ADO*, HERE IS CHAPTER TWO: (HA HA, THAT RHYMED.)**

**Chapter II: **_**Boy, You Got My Heartbeat Runnin' Away **_**(EDITED beckylovescarlos ps she wrote the sex scene too!)**

**-JACOB'S POV-**

Before I could utter another word, a flash of darkness bolted into the room.

I glanced over and to my surprise it was none other than Jasper Cullen. "You naked sluts! I knew you were fuckin' around on me!" Jasper yelled in rage.

"Umm, Jasper honey, now you know that's not fair; we still have our bras on." Alice added.

"Like, Jasper! Like, please… please just like listen to me. I swear Alice and I were just like playing dress up or whatever." Bella pleaded, shaking her head nervously.

"Do you really think I'm a fuckin' fool? I'm ending this… **now**." Jasper warned as he made his way across the room.

"No Jasper. **I'll **end it." I looked over and there he stood, Edward muthafuckin' Cullen. My heart skipped a beat.

Bella fearing for her life quickly spoke up, "Like totally oh my God! Edward, I thought you loved me?"

"Not anymore." Edward retorted. "Oh, and by the way… that mayonnaise on your fairy princess carpet, wasn't mayonnaise. It was Jacob's cum. I fucked the shit out of him and he loved it, right Jacob?"

"Uhh…" My face was now beet red. "Yeah" I answered.

"Now get the fuck out of my house before I bust a nut up in this bitch!" Edward yelled.

"Umm, like Edward. This is **my** house." Bella reminded him.

"Well somebody get the fuck out of this house!" Edward continued to yell.

"Speaking of busting nuts, before **anyone** gets the fuck out of this house I think there's something you should know." I interjected.

Edward raised an eyebrow, giving me a curious look as if waiting for me to continue.

"Edward, I'm knocked up and it's all **your** fault!" I yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him.

Everyone just stared in complete shock; not knowing what to say.

"Okay… well then." Jasper cleared his throat. "Alice, let's go. We have some serious shit to talk about." He ordered, grabbing her forcibly by the hand.

"But, like what about me?" Bella whined.

"Go fuck yourself." Jasper said. Before Bella could say another word Jasper and Alice disappeared.

"No Alice! Like No! Like come back!" Bella screamed as she climbed her Tarzan lookin' ass out the window and then sped off towards the Cullen house in her crusty ass automobile.

"So love, is this true?" Edward asked his focus now completely on me.

"Yeah, my dad just told me that I was born a hermaphrodite and look, I have **six** fucking nipples!" I yelled as I removed my shirt.

"Damn. That's hot, babe." Edward replied as he hugged me from behind, carefully placing his hands on my stomach. "You're going to look so sexy with a little belly on you." He whispered in my ear; sending a shiver down my spine.

He then turned me around and pulled me close to him, his chin now resting comfortably atop my head; my head resting in the crook of his neck. Never in my life had I felt as safe and protected as I did in his arms at that very moment. "Jacob, love, I want to do this properly; not like last time. This time babe it's all about you."

As he laid me on Bella's bed he started to suck each of my six hardening nipples one by one. "Nnngh…" A moan now escaping my throat.

In the heat of the moment I ripped off his shirt and pulled his face up to mine for a heated kiss. Slipping my hands to the top of his pants, I hurriedly began to unbutton them. Placing my hand on his clothed erection I began to rub his hardening cock teasingly through the fabric.

He quickly pushed my hand away; taking this opportunity to rip off my pants.

"Not tonight." Edward reminded me. "Right now it's all about **you**."

"But Edward…"

"Shh…" He whispered in my ear. "Just relax."

He began placing a warm trail of kisses across my toned chest and slowly worked his way down my abdomen, paying special attention to my newly formed baby bump.

"Daddy loves you already." He spoke to our unborn children; carefully placing a tender kiss to my belly. "But daddy's gonna give mommy that good dick so cover your ears boys." Edward continued; a smirk now forming on his lips.

"Yes **daddy**, please!" I laughed.

"Please _what_, love?" Edward asked as he looked up, his amber eyes full of lust.

I then pulled down his briefs in one effortless motion and moaned "Please **fuck me**, Edward!"

"Relax love, I got you." He winked at me as he grabbed Bella's lotion from her nightstand.

After quickly lubricating his cock Edward threw my legs over his shoulders and positioned himself at my entrance, pushing in slightly then pulling out almost instantly. He continued this motion, my eager hole now twitching in anticipation. In an effort to tease him back, as he once again pushed into me I clenched my muscles as tight as biology would allow, which earned a low-pitched moan from him. _Too easy, I thought, as I chuckled to myself._

"Ahh!" I yelped, as he began to fully enter me. I inhaled sharply, still somewhat unused to the feeling, however, I quickly adjusted. Edward took his time, thrusting slowly at first allowing me to feel every inch of his throbbing manhood and then quickened his pace. Without warning Edward grabbed my cock, his hand cold to the touch and still damp from the lotion. This action alone was enough to send me over. He then began pumping my cock in time with his thrusts, never once skipping a beat.

**-20 minutes later-**

"I'm so close!" I yelled.

"Just let go, love." Edward told me.

"Ahh! Ahh! Ahh… Yes! Ahh!" I screamed in absolute ecstasy as I came all over his hand and chest. My sphincter tightened around Edward's cock as he began to thrust harder and faster. Shortly after, I felt his warm sticky seed fill me from deep within. I felt as if my body was on fire, my blood near boiling with pleasure.

Pulling out, he collapsed next to me; both of us panting in a desperate attempt to catch our breath. He pulled me into him, kissing my forehead. "I love you." Edward declared.

My heart melted at those three little words. "I love you too." I said. I could feel his grip getting tighter as he held me closer, our foreheads now pressed together with our noses touching. He placed a passionate kiss to my lips. As I went to rest my head on his chest, I could hear the faintest sound; like that of a heart beating. Could it be? I was always taught growing up, that vampires did not have hearts and therefore, were not capable of love. A sense of warmth fell over me. In this one moment, I knew that somehow everything would be alright.

**-TBC-**

**Bet you weren't expecting us to actually end it seriously, huh? Either way, we hope you enjoyed it. Please remember we are ALWAYS open to constructive criticism. Stay tuned for Chapter 3! (: SHOW US LOVE BY REVIEWING!**

**CRACK FILLED LOVE!**

**MIMO & BECKY  
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	3. Chapter 3

**HELLO EVERYBODY! WE ARE ALIVE LOL!HERE A FEW THING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THIS CHAPTER AHEAD OF READING IT 1.)EDWARD IS THINKS HE GANGSTER 2.)CARLISLE'S VOICE IS VERY SIMILAR TO PEDO CREEPER OLD MAN FROM FAMILY GUY THAT LOVE CHRIS 3.)IF YOU ARE OFFEND EASILY BY CERTAIN CUSS WORDS THIS CHAPTER INST FOR YOU .5.) THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL THE NUMBERS ….. IF WE DON'T GET 20 OR MORE REVIEW THIS WILL BE THE LAST CHAPTER BECAUSE REVIEW ARE WHAT INSPIRE US AND WE ARE NOT FEELING VERY INSPIRED .**

**DISCLAIMER * WE OWN NOTHING BUT OUR CRACKISH THOUGHTS***

**-7am the next day-**

While Edward and I were distracted by our sappy love time, we were oblivious to the fact that Charlie had pulled into the drive way and was now making his way up the stairs to Bella's room.

"Bella!" Charlie called.

"OhmyGod! OhmyGod! OhmyGod! We've gotta get out of here!" I frantically blurted out.

Edward turned to me; a comforting smile spread across his face. "Don't worry love, I got this." He assured me.

"Like what the effin' fuck, Dad? Like eww, I'm totally like changing right now! Can't a girl like get any privacy around here?" Edward spoke; mocking Bella's irritating voice.

_There's __**no way **__he's gonna fall for this._ I thought, whilst trying to hold in my laughter.

"Okay, princess. I was just going to tell you I'm heading to Billy's to go fishing."

"Like eww, dad! I totally know that's like code for fucking each other." Edward said with a smirk.

At that I nearly choked on my own spit.

"Oh, Bella…" Charlie chuckled nervously. "Always such a jokester." He added as he turned to leave.

"Eww! Edward, I so didn't want to have that picture in my head." I whined.

Edward chuckled. "Sorry baby, but hey it worked didn't it? I told you your man could handle it." He said; giving me a wink.

An awkward silence filled the room. When my dad's name was mentioned, all the emotions came flooding back. I knew I should tell Edward, but the words were stuck; creating a stinging pain in my throat.

"Edward?" I choked out; my voice now starting to crack.

"Yes, love?"

"M-my dad k-kicked m-me out." I managed to reply; trying to fight the tears that filled my eyes.

Edward's expression turned serious. "Baby, it's okay. I got you." He cooed as he sat me in his lap on Bella's bed. "I promise I'll never leave you or our pups. I would do anything for you guys, and I'll protect you until the end." He promised, while placing a tender kiss to my neck. "You're dad will come around."

"B-but… he s-said n-never bottom for a… for a… b-bloodsucker!" I wailed; tears finally falling from my eyes.

"What a mothafuckin' bitch! I swear ima bust a cap in that niggaz ass! Don't worry baby, I got you. You come stay at the fams crib until we buy our own place," Edward said.

"That sounds great but, please Edward don't kill my dad." I said pouting. "Umm…speaking of dad's… is there any way yours can give me a checkup to see if the pups are healthy?" I asked patting my baby bump.

"I see you trying to change the subject, but sure… let's go now." Edward replied.

**-20mins Carlisle Cullen's-**

"And what do I owe this honor of "checking out" this beautiful specimen in front of me?"

"Dad, back up off my babymom." Edward warned. "Just do your job."

"Alright, alright. Just suck the fun out of everything why don't you." Carlise said in defense. "Here's a gown, take off **everything**. I'll come back when your changed."

As Carlisle exited the exam room, I proceeded to undress. Out of the corner of my eye I could still see Edward standing there as I changed. "Like omg Edward, I'm changing!"

"Relax babe. I was just peepin' ya swagg." Edward said, winking at me.

"Haha, very funny. Now help me tie this in the back." I said.

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

"Come in!" I yelled.

Carlisle came back in the room, handing me a blanket. "Okay, up on the exam table; feet in the stirrups."

"Feet in the what?" I asked in horror.

"The stirrups. I need to examine your perineal area; since you are a hermaphrodite." Carlisle said.

"Omg! How did you know that! Edward you bastard, why would you tell him that!"

"Actually, he didn't tell me anything. It was just a lucky guess; considering your "condition". Carlisle assured me. "Now if you would please just relax and have a seat on the exam table so we may get started."

_At that point I knew fighting it was no use; I just had to suck it up and get it over with._ I thought.

As I put my legs on the stirrups , it wasn't until then that I knew that I was truly FUCKED!

Carlisle proceeded to crouch and stick his head under my gown. "Oh my…"

"What?" I asked.

"Oh my, oh my, oh my… what nice pubes you have." Carlisle said.

"HEY! What the FUCK? I trimmed those pubes." Edward interjected.

"I'm sorry my child, I just can't help myself. He's just so scrumptious." Carlisle added.

"That's it! I'm out of here; you don't know what the fuck you're doing." I screamed hysterically.

"Relax." Carlisle said as he pushed me back down. "I'm expertly trained doctor Carlisle. Hmm… very interesting; you have what I believe is a vaginal opening. Now listen closely, this opening will dilate in the process of having the pups but then shortly after will disappear. Time for the sonogram…"

Carlisle lifted up the grown then proceeded to apply the gel to my abdomen. "This is going to be cold." Carlisle said as he began the sonogram. "I believe you have five little bloodsuckers in that tummy of yours. Would you like to know the sexes?"

"Yes!" Edward and I said in unison.

"Well… it looks like they're all boys and very healthy ones by the look of it. I'm going to guess that your gestation period is three months since your canine pregnancy is accelerated. You'll experience all the normal symptoms of being pregnant. I expect to put you on bed rest in the middle of your second month, since you're mostly male and no one's really built to carry five babies. So I expect to see you for another check up in two weeks. **He's** your prescription for your prenatal vitamins." Carlisle lectured as he pointed to Edward.

I then turned to Edward and saw a worried look on his face; he turned to look at me. "Love, I don't know if I can do this…"

**PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WANT THIS STORY TO LIVE AND BE FINSHED **

**CRACK FILLED LOVE**

**MIMO & BECKY**


	4. Chapter 4

**We're back and we're not very inspired!**

**Here comes the  
>Here comes the<br>Here comes the  
>Ya'll don't really want it now (BOOM!)<br>Here comes the (BOOM!)  
>Here comes the (BOOM!)<br>Here comes the  
>Ya'll don't really want it now (BOOM!)<br>Here comes the (BOOM!)  
>Here comes the (BOOM!)<br>Here comes the  
>Ya'll don't really want it now (BOOM!)<strong>

* * *

><p>As tears welled up in my eyes I chased Edward to the living room crying and screaming like a little bitch. "No! What do you mean you can't do this?"<p>

"I thought I had my shit together but I'm not ready for this. I love you but I'm not ready for six kids, that's five too many."

"No, please babe, don't do this to me. We can do this; don't give up on me now."

Before Jacob could blurt out another word, skanky bitch Bella swings her gorilla looking ass through the window with her army camo and stripper heals. "Like totally oh my God you guys, if I can't be happy with Alice then no one can be happy!"

Bella then proceeded to unbutton herself, revealing a timed bomb strapped to her hairy chest showing 10 seconds left. "Bombs away!"

**BOOM! EXPLOSION!**

* * *

><p><strong>Here comes the (BOOM!) <strong>  
><strong> Here comes the (BOOM!) <strong>  
><strong> Here comes the <strong>  
><strong> Ya'll don't really want it now (BOOM!) <strong>  
><strong> Here comes the (BOOM!) <strong>  
><strong> Here comes the (BOOM!) <strong>  
><strong> Here comes the <strong>  
><strong> Ya'll don't really want it now (BOOM!) <strong>  
><strong> Here comes the (BOOM!) <strong>  
><strong> Here comes the (BOOM!) <strong>  
><strong> Here comes the <strong>  
><strong> Ya'll don't really want it now (BOOM!) <strong>  
><strong> Here comes the (BOOM!) <strong>  
><strong> Here comes the (BOOM!) <strong>  
><strong> Here comes the <strong>  
><strong> Ya'll don't really want it now (BOOM!)<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>THE END!<strong>

* * *

><p>Sike nawww!<p>

Edward screamed, "Jacob, Jacob!" as he shook his unconscious body.

Jacob then opened his eyes to see Edward and Bella staring up at him.

"Eww! Get your hairy ass away from me, you gorilla lookin' skitch!"

"Calm down!" Edward said.

Jacob looked down and to his amazement he was perched in a tree, his underpants got caught on a branch.

"Dude, you were knocked out." Edward replied.

"Like eww, let's go inside Edward, it smells like shit out here."

"By the way Jacob, nice dick." Edward said with a crooked smile.

* * *

><p><strong>Ya'll don't really want it,don't really want it<br>Ya'll don't really want it with me  
>I know ya shook man,you ain't built for<br>As scared as a nigga can be  
>It's gon sound like (BOOM!)<br>When I'm comin like (BOOM!)  
>When I'm comin like (BOOM!)<br>When I come for ya  
>It's gon sound like (BOOM!)<br>When I'm comin like (BOOM!)  
>When I'm comin like (BOOM!)<br>When I come for ya  
>It's gon sound like (BOOM!) <strong>

* * *

><p><strong>*We own nothing but I cracky thoughts *<strong>

**Nelly- "**** Here Comes The Boom" **

**Well since we didn't get really inspiring review, this is what you get. If we feel very inspired we'll think about writing an epilogue or maybe even a different ending. **

**O… by the way inspiration= reviews!**

**P.S. Only Constructive Criticism! **


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